What If Your Nervous System Is Behind The Patterns You Can't Seem to Change?
- Aug 18
- 6 min read
Do you explain yourself when nobody asked?
Find it difficult to say no?
Replay conversations long after they have ended?
Overthink decisions you have already made?
Then criticise yourself for doing it again?
Perhaps the question isn't:
“Why can't I stop doing this?”
Perhaps it is:
“What is this pattern trying to protect me from?”
When a Pattern Has a Purpose
Sometimes behaviours we want to change began as ways of feeling safer. You may have learned that explaining yourself prevented criticism. Saying yes kept people happy. Overthinking helped you anticipate what might go wrong.
These responses can become automatic. You may know intellectually that you are safe now. Your nervous system may still respond as though it needs protection.
Sometimes there is also a younger part of us carrying an old fear, belief or unmet need. This is where Inner Child Integration can offer another doorway. Rather than judging the part of you that overthinks, people pleases or seeks reassurance, you become curious.
What is this part afraid of?
What did it need then?
What does it need from me now?
🌹 Before You Begin Tapping
Find a quiet space where you can speak aloud without judgment.
Bring to mind one specific situation where you noticed yourself over explaining, struggling to say no or overthinking. Notice what is happening in your body. Perhaps there is tightness in your jaw, a knot in your stomach, pressure in your chest or a racing mind.
Now rate the intensity from 0 to 10.
On a scale from 0 to 10:
0 being completely calm
10 being extremely intense
This is your SUD level, which stands for Subjective Units of Distress. There is no right or wrong answer. Simply notice what feels true for you.
Tapping Sequence One
When You Feel The Need To Explain Yourself
Think of one specific moment when you felt you had to justify yourself. Notice the strongest emotion. Perhaps it is fear of judgement, embarrassment, rejection or disappointment.
Setup Statements
(Side of the Hand Point)
Gently tap on the Side of the Hand Point while repeating each statement aloud.
"Even though I feel this fear of being judged, I choose to deeply and completely accept myself."
"Even though part of me is afraid of being misunderstand, I honour my feelings and love and accept myself anyway."
"Even though I feel i need to explain myself so they will understand me, I accept myself and how I am feeling."
Tapping Through the Points
Top of Head (TOH) Point:
Located on the crown of the head.
o "This fear of being judged."
Eyebrow (EB) Point:
Located at the start of the eyebrow near the bridge of the nose.
o "What if they misunderstand me?"
Side of Eye (SE) Point:
Located at the outer corner of the eye.
o "I ned them to understand."
Under Eye (UE) Point:
Located at the bone under the eye.
o "This pressure to explain."
Under Nose (UN) Point:
Located between the nose and the upper lip.
o "What will they think of me?"
Chin (CP) Point:
Located at the crease between the lower lip and the chin.
o "I feel exposed."
Collarbone (CB) Point:
Located just below the collarbone.
o "All this fear of being misunderstood."
Under Arm (UA) Point:
Located at the side of the body, about a hand's width below the armpit:
o "My body is holding onto this."
Second Round
Top of Head (TOH) Point:
Located on the crown of the head.
o "I don't need to explain everything."
Eyebrow (EB) Point:
Located at the start of the eyebrow near the bridge of the nose.
o "I can allow them to have their own view."
Side of Eye (SE) Point:
Located at the outer corner of the eye.
o "I can learn to trust myself."
Under Eye (UE) Point:
Located at the bone under the eye.
o "I can let this feeling soften."
Under Nose (UN) Point:
Located between the nose and the upper lip.
o "I don't have to prove myself."
Chin (CP) Point:
Located at the crease between the lower lip and the chin.
o "I can pause before responding."
Collarbone (CB) Point:
Located just below the collarbone.
o "I can give myself permission to breathe."
Under Arm (UA) Point:
Located at the side of the body, about a hand's width below the armpit:
o "Choosing greater calm and self-trust."
Take a slow breath. Now check back in with your body. Re-rate your SUD level from 0 to 10. Notice any shift, even if it feels small.
Tapping Sequence Two
When Your Mind Keeps Searching For Certainty
Bring to mind one specific situation you have been overthinking. Notice the thought that keeps returning.
Did I make the right decision? What if something goes wrong? What if I have made a mistake? Notice where you feel this in your body.
Setup Statements
(Side of the Hand Point)
Gently tap on the Side of the Hand Point while repeating each statement aloud.
"Even though I feel afraid of making the wrong decision, I choose to deeply and completely accept myself."
"Even though my mind keeps searching for certainty, I honour my feelings and accept myself anyway."
"Even though part of me is worried about what might happen, I accept myself and how I am feeling."
Tapping Through the Points
Top of Head (TOH) Point:
Located on the crown of the head.
o "This fear of getting it wrong."
Eyebrow (EB) Point:
Located at the start of the eyebrow near the bridge of the nose.
o "My mind keeps searching."
Side of Eye (SE) Point:
Located at the outer corner of the eye.
o "What if I make a mistake?"
Under Eye (UE) Point:
Located at the bone under the eye.
o "I need to know I am making the right choice."
Under Nose (UN) Point:
Located between the nose and the upper lip.
o "This worry in my body."
Chin (CP) Point:
Located at the crease between the lower lip and the chin.
o "I cannot seem to switch this off."
Collarbone (CB) Point:
Located just below the collarbone.
o "All this pressure and overwhelm."
Under Arm (UA) Point:
Located at the side of the body, about a hand's width below the armpit:
o "I am exhausted from thinking about it."
Second Round
Top of Head (TOH) Point:
Located on the crown of the head.
o "I don't need every answer right now."
Eyebrow (EB) Point:
Located at the start of the eyebrow near the bridge of the nose.
o "I can take this one step at a time."
Side of Eye (SE) Point:
Located at the outer corner of the eye.
o "I can allow some uncertainty."
Under Eye (UE) Point:
Located at the bone under the eye.
o "My body can begin to soften and settle."
Under Nose (UN) Point:
Located between the nose and the upper lip.
o "I can learn to trust myself to respond."
Chin (CP) Point:
Located at the crease between the lower lip and the chin.
o "I don't have to predict everything."
Collarbone (CB) Point:
Located just below the collarbone.
o "Allowing my mind some space."
Under Arm (UA) Point:
Located at the side of the body, about a hand's width below the armpit:
o "Choosing calm and clarity."
Take a slow breath. Now check back in with your body. Re-rate your SUD level from 0 to 10. Notice any change in your thoughts, your body or your emotional intensity.
What If You Don't Need to Fix Yourself?
Perhaps the behaviour is not the real problem. Perhaps it is a learned response from a part of you that once needed protection. You don't have to fight that part. You can become curious about it. You can listen. You can offer it compassion.
Through Clinical EFT, breathwork, mindfulness and Inner Child Integration we can gently explore the emotions, beliefs and experiences beneath the patterns you have been trying to change.
🌹 Like a rose, we don't force the petals to open. We create the conditions where opening becomes possible. You don't have to figure it out all alone.
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