The Weight of Over-Responsibility: When the Rose Carries Too Much
- viviennerosediamon
- 6 days ago
- 7 min read
There is a moment - maybe it happens while you are lying in bed at 3:00 AM, mentally running through tomorrow's to-do list - when you realise you have become the person everyone turns to. The one who remembers. The one who fixes. The one who shows up, no matter what. And suddenly, a question whispers through the quiet:
What would happen if I just... stopped?
If you have ever felt that flutter of fear at the thought, you are not alone. Somewhere along the way, you became the glue. The steady heartbeat of your family, your team, your circle. You are the one checking in on everyone else, remembering the important dates and solving the problems before they become crises. You have mastered the art of holding space for others, even when your cup feels bone dry.
It started innocently enough, didn't it? Maybe you were the precocious eldest child like I was, the reliable friend, the one who could handle it all with grace. Being needed felt good - it meant you mattered, you belonged, you were loved. That young version of you couldn't have known the weight this role would carry decades later.
Now, some days feel like conducting an invisible orchestra, where every musician depends on your steady hand to keep the music flowing. Miss a beat and the whole symphony might collapse. Or so it feels.
Here is what I want you to know: Roses don't bloom by propping up the entire garden. They blossom by sinking their roots deep, turning their faces toward the sun and trusting that their singular beauty is enough.
Today, we are going to explore what it means to set down the weight you have been carrying - not because you are giving up, but because you are ready to discover who you are when you are not holding everyone else together.
Because caring for yourself isn't selfish - as Audre Lorde (American poet + author) reminds us, "Caring for myself is an act of survival."
Today, we gently release the belief that everything rests on your shoulders.
🌿 A Personal Note
I want to share something tender with you - something that is unfolding in my own heart right now.
My nearly 93-year-old mother is preparing for a journey that both thrills and unsettles me. She is flying to Greece, her beloved homeland, for five months. Her eyes light up when she talks about it and I can see the young woman she once was, ready for adventure. Yet as I watch her pack, unpack and repack, a familiar weight settles on my chest.
There is her garden - those plants she tends daily with such devotion. I can already hear my inner critic whispering about my less-than-green thumb, cataloguing all the ways I might fail them. Yet it is more than the plants, isn't it? It is the quiet recognition of how naturally I reach for the threads she will leave behind, how quickly I assume they are mine to hold.
I have been the keeper of so many things for so long. The one who remembers, who manages, who makes sure everything flows smoothly. And while I genuinely celebrate her independence - this beautiful act of a woman claiming her freedom at 93 - I also feel that old, familiar tug. The part of me that believes I must carry it all.
Here is what I am learning, breath by breath: I can honour her journey and my boundaries. I can tend what needs tending without becoming enslaved to perfection. I can ask for help. I can trust that some things will be okay even if I am not orchestrating every detail.
This is my gentle reminder to both of us - we don't have to carry it all. We can create space for others to step in. We can rest, too.
Tapping Sequence #1: Loosening the Grip of Over-Responsibility
Before You Begin
Take a moment to check in with yourself, softly and honestly.
Before we begin tapping, we will use the SUD Scale – Subjective Units of Distress – to gently measure how you are feeling right now about the weight you have been carrying.
0 means you are feeling spacious and steady, able to care without tipping into overwhelm.
10 means the load feels heavy, like you are holding too much, too tightly - perhaps without even realising it.
There is no right or wrong here - a tender moment of awareness. Where would you place yourself on that scale from 0 to 10? Make a quiet mental note or write it down. We will check in again after the tapping to see what might have shifted - what petals may have softened and opened, even just a little.🌹
Please take a deep breath and begin tapping with me.
Setup Statements: Repeat the three setup statements while gently tapping on the Side of the Hand (SOH) point, saying aloud:
"Even though I feel like it is all up to me, I choose to deeply and completely love and accept myself as I am."
"Even though I have carried so much for so long and it feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders, I honour how I feel and accept myself anyway."
"Even though I don’t know how to put this down yet, I give myself permission to be curious and I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
Tapping Points:
Top of Head (TOH) Point:
Located directly on the crown of the head.
o "This heavy sense of duty I have carried for so long."
Eyebrow (EB) Point:
Located at the start of the eyebrow, near the bridge of the nose.
o "Always holding it all together, no matter what."
Side of Eye (SE) Point:
Located on the bone at the outer corner of the eye.
o "The immense pressure I have placed on myself to keep going."
Under Eye (UE) Point:
Located on the bone directly under the eye.
o "It has been this way for years and I have grown used to the weight."
Under Nose (UN) Point:
Located between the nose and the upper lip.
o "I feel this exhaustion deep in my bones."
Chin (CP) Point:
Located in the crease between the lower lip and chin.
o “I have done so much for so many, often without rest."
Collarbone (CB) Point:
Located just below the collarbone, about 2.5 cm (1 inch) from the base of the throat.
o "I give myself permission to let go, even just a little."
Under the Arm (UA) Point:
Located on the side of the body, about 10 cm (4 inches) below the armpit.
o "I can release one layer at a time and I don’t have to carry it all."
Take a slow, deep breath in... and let it go gently. Tune back into the feeling about the weight you have been carrying. Where are you on the SUD scale now, from 0 to 10? Even a small shift is meaningful. You are not forcing anything - just allowing space for change, one tap at a time. If your number hasn’t shifted much, that is okay - try tapping through the points a few more times, gently using your own words to name what is true for you in this moment.
Letting go of over-responsibility doesn’t mean you care less - it means you finally include yourself in the circle of care.
Tapping Sequence #2: Returning to Your Inner Ground
Re-rate your SUD level, then begin.
Setup Statements: Repeat the three setup statements while gently tapping on the Side of the Hand (SOH) point, saying aloud:
"Even though I am still learning how to trust that it is safe to stop, I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
"Even though a part of me believes I will be judged if I don’t do it all, I choose to love and accept myself anyway."
"Even though I am not used to resting, I choose to honour my needs today and give myself permission to love and accept myself in this moment."
Tapping Points:
Top of Head (TOH) Point:
Located directly on the crown of the head.
o "I am still learning how to stop."
Eyebrow (EB) Point:
Located at the start of the eyebrow, near the bridge of the nose.
o "It feels unfamiliar to rest."
Side of Eye (SE) Point:
Located on the bone at the outer corner of the eye.
o "Part of me feels guilty when I slow down."
Under Eye (UE) Point:
Located on the bone directly under the eye.
o "I have carried so much for so long."
Under Nose (UN) Point:
Located between the nose and the upper lip.
o "What if I am allowed to pause?"
Chin (CP) Point:
Located in the crease between the lower lip and chin.
o “I have been taught to prove my worth by doing."
Collarbone (CB) Point:
Located just below the collarbone, about 2.5 cm (1 inch) from the base of the throat.
o "I gently honour my exhaustion."
Under the Arm (UA) Point:
Located on the side of the body, about 10 cm (4 inches) below the armpit.
o "I am open to resting and returning to my inner ground."
Take a moment right now. Feel your shoulders. Notice what happens when you let them drop a few cms. Feel that? That is your body remembering what it is like to not hold the world.
In this gentle pause, something beautiful is happening. You are discovering that your worth isn't measured by how much you carry. Your value isn't earned through exhaustion. You are remembering a truth that got buried under years of over-responsibility: you were never meant to bloom through burnout.
You are whole in the quiet moments. You are enough in the stillness. This isn't retreat - this is return. Return to who you were before you became everyone else's anchor. Return to the precious, amazing human being who deserves the same care and tenderness you so freely give to others.
You don't need permission to rest, yet here it is anyway: You are allowed to bloom and sparkle.🌹 ✨
If something stirred in your heart as you read this - if you recognised yourself in these words - I want you to know you don't have to figure this out alone.
I have walked this path of gentle release, of learning to set down what was never mine to carry. And I would be deeply honoured to walk beside you as you rediscover your natural rhythm of vitality, joy, radiance and grace.
Ready to take the first step?
✉️ Send me an email and let us start a conversation about what guidance might look like for you.
💼 Connect with me on LinkedIn where we can explore working together.
📘 Visit my Facebook business page for ongoing inspiration and ways to stay connected.
🌹✨You were made for more than just holding it all together. You were made to bloom and sparkle.🌹 ✨
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